Many parents find it difficult to talk to other children in their family about the death of a baby. They may be worried that they will upset them and unsure what to say and how to explain what has happened. Siblings may have been really excited to meet their baby brother/sister/s. This may be the first time they have experienced a death.
This is understandably very challenging, but generally the best thing for a child is to be truthful with them and to explain, in clear and understandable language for their age, what has happened. It is also important not to use unclear words like ‘lost’, ‘passed’ or ‘sleeping’ as this may confuse the child. It is better simply to use the word ‘died’ or ‘dead’. You might say something like: ‘We have something sad to tell you. Your brother/sister/s have died- sometimes people’s hearts stop working and then they die and this is what has happened.Most babies grow up to be old people and it is very unusual for a baby to die. We are here if you want to talk about this and you can ask us any questions you want.’
You can perhaps ask the child if they have any questions about what happened and try to explain this clearly and honestly. Perhaps have a think about what words feel right for you and your child. Though often the natural instinct is for us to protect children, it can often cause more problems with a child’s grief if we are not honest with them. A child may have periods of grieving and periods of seeming OK which is normal and they may come back to you later with more questions once they have had time to process things.
Books and video resources can also be a helpful way to explain to a child what has happened, and we have listed some of these in the books/resources section.
Supporting siblings/ children
