Self Care & Coping Strategies

It can help to do things to take care of yourself that usually make you feel better. Here are some ideas:

Go out in nature
Be with family/ friends and talk
Listen to music
Play an instrument
Exercise/ sports
Watch a favourite relaxing TV show/ film
Hug a pet
Do meditation/ yoga
Hug someone you care about
Take some time off
Write down how you’re feeling/ journal
Something else that helps you…….

Everyone is different in what helps them and this can change at different times so perhaps think about what is usually helpful for you or might be helpful right now It may also help you to follow people on social media who have also lost their baby/ies or join a support group, but this is not right for everyone.

Talking to or Writing to your Baby

It may also be helpful for you to talk to your baby/ies if this feels right for you. Some people also find it helpful to write to their baby/ies and you can choose what to do with this and if you want to keep it, rip it up, burn it etc. Sometimes people can also find it helpful to write a reply from their baby.

Remembering your Baby

It is usually helpful to find ways to remember your baby in a way and at a time that feels right for you and your family.

Perhaps you would like to do something every anniversary and/or birthday to remember them. Perhaps you would like do something special like plant a tree or plant in their memory, light a candle, or create a photo album or memory book, or you might consider getting a tattoo or piece of jewellery that signifies them, or something else.

Some people also find comfort in fundraising for a cause that means something to them, like Sands or SiMBA. Have a think about this and decide what feels right for you…

Grounding ./ Relaxation Exercises

It can be helpful to do some things that make you feel safe and grounded in your body. Losing a baby can be very traumatic and send signals to your nervous system that you are not safe, causing you to feel overwhelmed and anxious. Here are some things that you might like to try out and see if you find them helpful. Try them out and see what you notice. You can perhaps rate how you feel before and after out of 10 and see if there is a difference:

Tune into the sensations of your feet on the ground/ floor, wiggle your toes, press them into the floor, you can close your eyes if this feels right for you
Push against a solid object like a wall with your hands
Pat down your arms and legs with your hands
Peripheral vision - Soften your eye gaze, looking straight ahead, try to see as far around you with your peripheral vision. Tune into your surroundings. Perhaps breathe deeply as you do this.
Place a hand on your heart area and notice the sensation of this, stay here for a while, you can close your eyes if that feels right, perhaps say to yourself ‘I am safe’ or ‘I am OK’ or ‘I will get through this’ or something else comforting to yourself. You can also place your other hand on your stomach and/or forehead and see how this feels.
Hold yourself tightly and give yourself a hug
Look around the room, in your head list a few things of the same colour, you can continue doing this until you feel calmer/ more grounded
5,4,3,2,1 - Tune into your senses: Look around and find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell or taste and then take 1 long, deep breath.
Try some butterfly hugs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGGJrqscvtU
Perhaps try this comforting exercise: https://youtu.be/8Sgyt30vuIA
Visualise a place where you feel safe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Isw37iCwMCg
Try tensing and then relaxing your muscles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbhUxg9eHDE . It can be helpful to try these things out a few times before you decide if it works for you and perhaps every day to make them more of a habit and easier for you to do. Breathing exercises Breathing exercises can help us feel calmer and safe and allow us to calm our nervous system down when we are anxious, angry or sad. It can help to become grounded with some of the exercises above before trying these. Sometimes you can feel light headed when doing these exercises because you are taking in more oxygen than you are used to. If this happens, pause and relax and you can return to the breathing exercise when you are ready
Hand breathing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAldSdx-jps
Square breathing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoQVgJx_QN4
Straw breathing: Take a long breath in through your nose, and blow a long breath out through your mouth like you are blowing through a straw
Belly/ diaphragmatic breathing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4aupp_YO9c
It can also help to do things with our breath like: Sigh a few times, sing, yawn, play a wind instrument, blow bubbles